Memoirs of a Naruto character
by Neko-sempai
Summary: Some of Naruto's characters remember a funny/horrifying/embarrassing/active/etc memory of their lives. But what do they sound like when they're told by the owners themselves?
1. Itachi's cam recorder

Ch

I sat in Leader's office, with my head down in shame (like someone could care less about this but wtv) while Pein-sama spoke to me in a rather deafening tone.

"PLEASE Itachi DO NOT do this AGAIN!" Leader screamed and I nodded. He sat down at his desk and rubbed his chin irritated. I always wondered why the hell he wouldn't scratch his fingers in those ugly, cheap piercing of his.

"What Uchiha? Got something on my face!?" he cooed again.Yeah dumbass; you got one hell of a monkey face from Africa with bones in its holes. Bwuahahaha.

"No Leader-sama, sumimasen" I bowed in front of him.Oh by the way, my shoes are dirty they need to be clean.

"You can go now but remember Itachi! DO NOT! DO NOT do this again!!"

God, can he be any louder? For Christ's sake I already said I won't. Psshh...

"Hai Leader-sama" I said in a monotone voice as I bowed and left. I would have slammed the door shut but Leader told us not to since he bought a new door because of Deidara's slamming.

Now... I would be mad too like Leader if some of my subordinates did what I have done. But hell... I won't be all emo my whole life. Until Sasuke comes and kill me I can at least enjoy a little, life. I still remember that magnificent day...

I bribed Kisame with tuna so he could pretend he was me being sick to get rid of the rest for a while. He accepted right away. It's cool when you work with morons, really.So I woke up early in the morning, grabbed my cam recorder and immediately slipped outside of the Akasucking hideout. (Akatsuki really isn't that of a cool name as Leader thinks...)

I walked and walked and walked through heavens and hell, through grass and wood, through thunder and lightning until I finally saw in the distance...

TEH Leaf Village!

Okay, I did not walk so much, I just took a taxi and then I did Mangekyo on him. Cheap and fast.

As soon as I got there, I saw this hottie, with long blue hair and no pupils! OHMIGOD no PUPILS! I thought "wth..." and I went to hit on her, obviously.No one would resist me, the beauty itself. So here, ore-sama went to her...

"Hello cutie!" I trapped her against the wall with one hand on the side of her head and with the cam right in front of her. Well... I lowered it a bit, to her most beautiful part... OK! I lowered it to HER CHEST!

SO WHAT!?

Ok, so... She got all red and in a moment she was down on my feet.

"Oh my freakin' GOD, she fainted!!"

Looking around nervously, I took a run somewhere else. Before I realized, I was at the Uchiha compound again. I thought this was a good idea to say hi to Sasuke and program our battle a few years later since I have a busy schedule and the manga is really so annoying... But oh well. I stepped inside and Sasuke was playing darts with a picture of my face as the target.

OK, I would've never complained IF it didn't hit MY beautiful face.

"FOOLISH LITTLE BROTHER!! DIE DIE DIE!!" I jumped on him, forgetting about the camera. It flew somewhere close, filming probably our battle scene.

"Itachi?"

"RIGHT HERE.BONES AND FLESH FOR YAH!"

"Itachi..?"

"How dare you ruin my perfect face!? How DARE YOU!?"

The last thing I remember is that Sasuke's eyes widened as he look up at the ceiling. I was taken aback by this and looked up too.

Well, let me tell you something ... I SHOULDN'T!!

The ceiling fell on us!! ON MY PRETTY FACE! I don't quite remember the rest, just that my whole view went black and I woke up in a white room with no windows, just a small door looking like a window. At first I thought I was in heaven... but then I saw I was dressed with a white gown and my sleeves were tied behind my back with my hands together FOR GOD'S SAKE!

I WAS IN LEAF'S VILLAGE SANATORIUM!

Now, I remembered I saw a movie about this chick who, like me, woke up in a sanatorium and started to get all crazy and mad.Btw, that was a good acting because I got to saw her bare thighs but moving on with my flashback.So,someone came when she screamed. I thought I'd do the same and could use the Mangekyo on the guard, steal the keys and continue with my quest.

Excellent idea! Isn't it?

So I started to scream. The door-window-thing suddenly opened and revealed a Hatake Kakashi.I stopped screaming and ran to him.

"Kakashi please let me go! I swear I'll be a good kid from no on!" I whined.

"No" he answered.Well, fuck you!

"Please, for the sake of our childhood friendship!!" I whined again. I wondered how much will it take to convince the old hag.

"No"

God, this guy was so fucked up. I decided to use the blackmail method if whining didn't work.

"You remember Tina? Your ex-girlfriend?" Kakashi's eye widened.

"WHAT ABOUT HER!?"

"I stole her from you!!" I laughed insanely. Soon then expected,Kakashi's eyes were teary.

"And guess what?"

Hatake shook his head, crying.

"She hated you! HAHAHA!"

"NOOOOO!"

Kakashi grabbed his head and pulled his hair out together with the head band and mask. OH MI GOSH you should have seen how he looked!

HE HAD BEAVER TEETH!!

Do you imagine something more funny than a Kakashi with beaver teeth? Or maybe a beaver with grey hair and a Sharingan. Laugh my ass. So... I quickly did Mangekyo on him, snatched his keys and ran away. But not before stealing his outfit WHAT you don't expect me to go around naked...

OR WITH THOSE FILTHY RAGS...

So, I searched for my cam recorder but I didn't find it. I was wondering where it could be... BINGO! It had to be at Sasuke's house... So I went there. When I arrived, suprisingly Sasuke looked like a splashed tomato underneath the ceiling, so I grabbed my cam and recorded his corpse. It surely looks like one hell of a masterpiece.

So, I continued my quest... as I walked through the city everyone asked me if I died my hair.

"Omg did you die your hair black?"

"No"

"Why did you die your hair black?"

"It's my friggin' natural color!"

"Oh really!?"

"Really!!"

"OH MI GOSSSH KAKASHI You look so sexy!!"

Oh snap. I have forgotten I was dressed in Kakashi beaver, that's why people have been asking about my hair.. Ha-ha-ha... Foolish little me... So guess who tackled me to the ground. None other than that filthy monkey of Iruka. I tried to get him off, but he kept rubbing against me and touch me in private places.

"WHAT THE HELL you loser!!"

"Oh dead Kakashi, remember your promise right?" he smiled like a whore at me and winked. I thought I was going to puke so I covered my mouth.

"W-what promise!?"

"Tonight... Is... Our... night... "He licked his lips and squeezing my ass.

THAT WAS IT! I puked right in his face and ran away. Jesus Christ, THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A NASTY EXPERIENCE!

So as I walked around and recorded the people in my ex village, I found myself wandering on a large field with many sakura trees. I caught a glimpse of a pink head and immediately put my cam down and went to search for it. I saw it hiding behind a tree, so I went there..

Guess what I've found there...

A PINK HAIRED GIRL AND SOME BLONDE BRAT WERE BANGING EACH OTHER!!

So I just stood there, with my jaw dropped and my cam recording. At least, free porn... so why not enjoy. The girl screamed and covered herself.

"Sasuke?"

I was confused. Did she call me Sasuke? From behind me I heard a voice and turned to look at...

..Sasuke.

"Me?"

"When did you come back to life?"

"Itachi?"

"Itachi!?"

"Sakura? What the hell are you doing with Naruto?"

"Sasuke?"

"Me?"

"Itachi?"

"ITACHI!?"

"WHERE IS ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!?"

Oh crap.I was busted. It was Leader-sama's voice.Well, Sama my ass, but I'm trying not to let the emotions of jealousy wash over me.Kisame is a moron, he probably figured out I ran away. So I took a run back to the basement before the Leaf Village would get me and that's how it all happened.

Now I guess I'm going to watch the tape... Mwuhahaha...

**TO BE CONTINUED … **


	2. TEH killing noodles!

What a sunny day dattebayo. Perfect for a treat of ramen.

"IRUKA-SENSEEEEEEEEEEEEEI!!" I called out my beloved , the only sucker that would treat me to ramen dattebayo. You know about those father and son and all those relationship things... Well it worked on Iruka-sensei dattebayo. So I got out of the mess I was living in which I use to call a ROOM. That whore Tsunade... she can't afford more for the next Hokage of the Leaf Village. As soon as I saw Iruka-sensei, I ran over to him and persuaded him to buy me ramen.

AND HE DID SO DATTEBAYO!

No matter what Sasuke says, I will always be a true genius, but you know I've got to hide this quality of mine by being loud and stupid dattebayo; otherwise I would be followed too by rabid fan girls like Sasu-GAY.

Bwuhahahah!

Since the morning I saw Iruka-sensei acting strange, all smiley and stuff and barely speaking to me.

"Is something wrong Iruka-sensei?" (Don't tell me you don't have money left)

"Err... eh? No, no why would something be wrong? Heheheh... "

Ok.

PLEASE wipe that stupid smile off your face!? THANK YAH dattebayo.

I decided to shrug it off and we both went to the ramen shop. As we arrived there my morning was ruined by guess WHO!?

ARGH that Sasu-gay! It's like a stalker really!! We always happen to be in the same place together, EVERY FREAKIN' TIME dattebayo!

But still... my morning was saved by the beauty itself... Fairy Sakura... aaaah (in this part I was drooling) seriously... look at those delicious colorless thighs and those young dainty breasts...

ROARRTEBAYO! I feel like--

"Soooooo... Naruto... what about a drink first?" Iruka asked me. I looked at him confused for a moment. We DON'T usually drink when we're having ramen. (When I'm having ramen and he pays ... ahem)

(Well since it's free...) "Of course Iruka-sensei!" I smiled happily at him as he ordered me the drink. He smiled warmly at me and put the drink in front of me. It had one hell of a color dattebayo.

"What is this Iruka-sensei?" I stared at the maroon liquid before my eyes.

"Err... eh... drink it, drink it. I have tried it y-yesterday and it's really good!"

Hn. Whatever, as long as he pays... it might actually be good so I said why not give it a try, and poured it down my throat.

You know what?

IT WAS UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE-TEBAYO!

Well, as sucker as he was, Iruka-sensei was a cool guy after all. He seemed to be himself again after I had that glass which confused me even more.

After they served me 10 bowls of ramen, I was finally satisfied with myself. I said goodbye to Iruka-sensei and left to train in the woods. On the way toward it, I feel dizzy and strange and SNAP, I threw up at the nearest tree.

That's what I get for eating so much ramen.

I simply let it go and walked ahead. After all, what's training with an empty stomach?

BUT GUESS WHAT!

I met the KILLING NOODLES! They were there! THERE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

They had shuriken and kunai in their hands. We stared at each other for a few moments until a branch snapped. The noodles looked at it and then at me. But I wasn't there anymore, I was freaking running to save my life and the noodles were too, after me.

I looked back to see if they were still chasing me.

OH AM GII! THE FREAKIN' NOODLES WERE CLOSER THAN I EXPECTEDTEBAYO!

I slipped on a chicken and immediately stood up, running like crazy. The freaking noodles were about to kill me. They threw a few shuriken but luckily, I managed to dodge.

When I finally stopped, was when I broke my neck on a dead end. I looked behind and I was surrounded by noodles. All of them were laughing evilly and coming closer and closer to me, threatening with shuriken and kunai dattebayo.

BUT GUESS WHAT

"Tada tada tadadaaaaaaaaa tada tada tadadaaaaaaaaaa! Leave my Naru alone, you ugly noodles!!"

Oh thank GOD.

Wait a minute.

Is that Sasuketebayo?

OH MY FREAKIN' BUDDHA IT'S REALLY HIMTEBAYO!

Laugh my ass, he looks like a gay whore with all those rags around his neck and... DID HE SAY MY NARU?

"BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!"

But wait. The noodles. They're ... They're GONE!

Yes! Yes! Yes! The freaking noodles are gone~!

"Thank god my Naru is safe! Here, come to papa!"

Out of nowhere Sasuke hugged me and I felt something soft in my face. Are these boobies, Sasu-gay?

WHAT THE F--

(Mature content following, be right back.)

Anyway, that was the most freakin' unbelievable ugly day-tebayo. I swear I'm never going to ask Iruka-sensei for a treat NEVER EVER EVER NEVER in my life-tebayo.


End file.
